Em is for Maria

why do i have so many freak-outs. i mean they feel real, they are real but in the end, only hours later i find out that arrangements can and have been made or that nothing is as solid as it appears---

This is never easy. to talk about. Just thinking about it makes me ill at ease. My hands shake and my leg bounces. My heart begins to leap in my chest and my mouth dries. I take a bathroom break. I smoke a cigarette. Get more coffee. Walk outside for another cigarette and chat with the barista on break. Make a phone call. Check my email. Smoke another cigarette refill on the coffee and then sit down to write.

it’s only been twenty minutes and I’ve written about two paragraphs and still haven’t gotten to the point of anything.

This is never easy. But I’m going to do it. I’m going to talk about it no matter what. I feel tears building up and it’s hard to breath. You’d think I over exaggerate but I’m afraid not. This isn’t easy and no one said it would be.



i remember losing hope. i remember feelings. and the day they stopped. I stopped feeling anything six years ago. Sure they’ve come and gone since then. But, if I had to trace back how I got to the point im at now in my life it would all go back to sophomore year of high school.  Sounds like the beginning of a typical story. And it might be. But it’s mine.

the a&w clock.

my fish hen'ree

i think flipping it looks more interesting.

this is carrie&i

very good sushi at koFusion, this is not our plate (carrie&i) this is the boy next to me. he ate
3o pieces.

david&timmy posed as tourists.

gentle nudge: hello, i still breathe. will post photographs soon.

well, i got on the bus today after work and the bus-driver-lady was grumpy, made me throw out my red bull. and then proceeded to tell me how to get off the bus. at first i was kinda pissed, yea i know, boo hoo, just throw out the drink, and i did. but then she yelled at me to push the handle and it wasn't even my stop. i had to stop and think for a second what RAFF had told me; to stop and think about why i was reacting the way i was. big deal, maybe she was having an off day. and you're not supposed to drink on the bus anyway. so i just took a breath and got of the bus. right now im watching my fair lady and enjoying myself, i hope all of you are as well. (enjoying yourselves)



mar

i'm a day behind. so, we'll start with yesterday





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moving along to today. anna said this might be interesting. i dont know that this is how i want them to look. but here are some identities.